The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only — please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

Was I (22F) Wrong For Sleeping With My Best Friend (23M) On My Birthday?

So I just turned 22, I have a guy best friend who I’ve known for years he’s 23M. He got me a really nice necklace for my birthday and took me out to dinner, and the vibes were just there. So I ended up hooking up with him on that date. We went all the way. I know he’s not a bf and it was kinda wrong but I felt like I wanted to cause what he did for me and I was in the mood. We did it 4 times that night and we ate my birthday cake together naked. The vibes were just really there and I think I caught feelings. Did I mess up the friendship?

What’s crazy about being young and beautiful is you really feel like it’s going to last forever. She’s describing the final episode of “The Bachelor” like she’s gonna be on every damn season. We agree with the comments, friends don’t just cuddle naked romantically feeding each other birthday cake like that. If you want to read what “just friend” material looks like, make sure to check out last week’s edition of this blog series. Read the rest of the thread here.

How Do I (19F) Defend Myself For Not Wanting To Have Kids Yet With My Boyfriend (20M)?

My 19f boyfriend 20m and I have been dating for a year. We are from a small town so we’ve known each other and been friends for years. I’ve known his parents for some time and they have always been sweet to me. My issue started this past Christmas. After dinner myself my bf his parents his twin and his twin’s fiancé all sat in the living room together. We were talking about bfs twin and fiancés baby (they have one child with another on the way) when I was asked when bf and I planned on starting to have kids. I didn’t think much of it and said oh I’d like to wait at least 7-8 years since I’m still in college and have a lot of things I’d like to do and see before I have the responsibilities of being a parent. This is where it went south bfs mom and his twins fiancé started laying into me about how ridiculous that is and how if I were still a part of that family at that time my kids definitely wouldn’t be accepted by their cousins because of the age gap. This went on until I decided it was time to go. I was definitely upset that my bf said nothing the whole time to defend me and he promised he wouldn’t let that happen again. Ever since then the twins fiancé and mom have continued to make comments about how ill be such an old parent and at least fiancé will be alive for most of their kids lives and how I’m selfish for not wanting kids now so they can grow up close to their cousins. I know it’s a little ridiculous but I’m feeling hurt and very pressured but I’m 19 years old and I’m just not really sure how to handle the backlash. Also in every instance since the first my bf has stood up for me

Not the people in the comments warning you to "watch your birth control around them." Sadly though, we have to agree with them. As the wise Whoopie Goldberg once said, "Molly, you in danger, girl." Listen, no one's gonna like us saying this, but, if they want to be around kids that bad they should get a job with them. Maybe it's the non-stick pans everyone's been using that makes them forget, but it sounds like everyone needs to remember that kids are a long-term investment. So no, don't throw away the rest of your youth so they can get a cute visit from the grandkids every once in a while. Also, if they're gonna grill the future mother of their grandkids, maybe they should've asked you some more relevant questions. For example, if you have any serial killer genes in your family, and if so, did you happen to inherit any of them? Read the rest of the thread here.

I (29F) Feel Sad That I Will Have No One At My Wedding, While My Fiancé (35M) Has A Ton Of Friends And Family

Posting from my throw away; I also posted in wedding planning.

Fiancé and I are getting married next year — we’ve been together for 7 years! We are so excited and want to make it as pleasantly memorable as possible. It’s both our first (and hopefully only) time getting married and planning. As we started to plan, he asked me who I wanted to invite. I just instantly felt down. Because I have no family or friends. He’s been to several of his best friends’ weddings as a groomsman and he’s excited to share his with them as they are a significant part of his life (they’ve known each other since elementary/middle school). He moved to the US from Hong Kong and didn’t know any English when he first came, and this group of friends took him under their wings and they’ve been inseparable since. They’re more like brothers than friends. He wants his family there, too—I love them and don’t mind. [POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING]…

His dad is dying of cancer and will likely won’t make it to the wedding. Fiancé hates that he will miss such a huge milestone in his life, so it’s important to him to have his friends and family there. He wants a best man, groomsmen, etc., meanwhile I have no one that I could even ask to be my MOH let alone bridesmaids. He was even mentioning rehearsal dinner, which to me, is just another gathering with his friends and family. I’m not sure how to proceed with the planning now.

It’s not his fault I’m an orphan or have no friends, so I don’t want to take away the wedding of his dreams due to my own feelings and ask for a more intimate one. It’s our first (and hopefully only) time getting married and I don’t want him to have regrets. But at the same time, I feel guilty and sad that I have no one. Is it even possible to have a wedding with just the groom having family and friends there? I feel like I would be uncomfortable.

Should I tell my fiancé about how I feel and ask for an intimate wedding? I’m sure he’ll be disappointed :(

EDIT he has a large group of friends. I know about five of them (his closest friends). Even though they live in a different state, my fiancé has boys trips with them once-twice a year and they text almost daily. That’s how close they are. I haven’t personally talked or seen them since 2022. The rest of his friends and family (I only know mom, dad, and brother) I don’t know. We’ve lived in secluded towns up until last month and work from home, so socializing was hard.

TL;DR I feel sad that my future husband plans to have a large group of friends and family at our wedding, while I (quite literally) have no one. What to do?

Not everybody being fake in the comments saying, "I'll come, pick me!" The lies of it all, let me see your browsing history, show me your Spirit Airline checkout tabs. Honestly, we have to start getting more creative here, folks. First of all, are all of his male friends suddenly priests? There's got to be some friend potential there with at least their wives and girlfriends. Now for the wedding — that's tricky, because you'll both be crying for different reasons. Real talk, unless you're gonna make him uninvite all these people you're just gonna have to tough this one out. But, if there's still time, try befriending within that circle. It honestly sounds so large we think y'all can still maintain some distance, respect and privacy amongst your crews. Read the rest of the thread here.

I Feel Like My Husband Doesn't Care About My Sexual Pleasure

We are lucky to have sex once a week. Often it's less. I massage his back and legs and read to him most nights. He usually turns me down for sex as his libido is very low. I am really grateful for him in every other aspect of our lives. He's the first man to ever make me cum. But these days, it just feels like he can't be bothered to get me off or isn't attracted to me anymore. It makes me feel so ugly and gross. He's tried Viagra but it doesn't always work for him and still relies on me asking him to take it and initiating foreplay. I just wish he would walk into the room like he wanted me to be his next meal and have his way with me. So pent up! How can I handle this?

Upon reading the comments, we learned her husband might be responding to coming off some anti-depressants. On that note, maybe it's a good time to consider some alternatives regarding your current arrangement. It's a darker thought, but the reality is most of us won't be enough to sexually fulfill our partners for decades upon decades, things will slow down eventually. It's not to say we're all ugly, life just requires us to get a little more creative sometimes. Talk it out with him and you'll both be fine alright. And when he's asking you to roleplay as a balloon or something freaky, hit us back up for next week's article. Read the rest of the thread here.

Check out last week's edition here.

[Image credit: Anna Shvets]